Phone call from Irvine, CA
- Me: "hello"
- Guy: "may I speak to Eric please?"
- Me: "you have the wrong number"
- Guy: "what number is this?"
- Me: (gives him my number)
- Guy: "and who is this?"
- Me: "um, you called me. Why should I tell you who I am?"
- Guy: "because Eric told me to call him on this number and I wanted to know who this was"
- Me: "well Eric lied. Bye"
I used to use this as the preface for my stories and lyrics. I’d blast out my problems and emotions here on a whim, and then later go back and read them as inspiration for my creative writing. I guess I’m giving it another shot.
I’ve had a lot on my mind lately. It’s almost like as one problem gets solved, and stress is relieved for a few days, another one presents itself. I’m staying positive still, and I know everything will turn out just fine… It’s just difficult. I feel like I’m in a tunnel, and I can see the light at the end and I’m so excited to get to it; but no matter how much extra energy I put into running faster, I keep moving at the same pace… If that makes any sense. My energy doesn’t feel wasted, more/less misused.
My heart and my head aren’t in the same place. My heart wants things that don’t make any sense but somehow still feel right. Meanwhile my head is trying to stay logical with my feelings and decisions. Quite honestly, I’ve more frequently gone with the logical decisions and it seems like things end up the way they’re supposed to anyway, so maybe it’s time to let go and just follow my heart. Take a leap of faith.
Waiting games aren’t fun either, and life seems to be full of them lately. I wish there weren’t social timelines to follow. I’m tired of adhering to what everyone thinks is the right time, or how long something should take. The way I look at it, you only get one life and then you die. Why be in a state of constant worry, anxiety, or hurry? Again, with the whole “follow your heart” thing… I feel like I just need to be spontaneous and carefree for a while to get rid of some of this excess emotion I seem to have.
If you know me at all, you know that I rarely bite my tongue when it comes to telling people what I think or how i feel. Lately, I have been. Every now and then though, the old Valyrie slips out and says something completely inappropriate, out of context, brash, brutally honest, or emotional. I think I’m filtering myself to the wrong people. The people I need to be 100% honest with, I’m holding back from. And those I’m opening up to don’t deserve my attention. :-/
Well this has been quite the depressing entry. I didn’t mean for it to end up that way. I guess now I’ll create a challenge for myself: to write a positive story or song from all this. Completely turn it around. Hey maybe I’ll figure out what to do after it’s all finished. Lol